Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Uhm...I know I had told myself I wouldn't write anything private here and I'd just talk about things I saw around the net but eh...I don't know. It turns out that this morning my great grandma passed away and I still can't get over it. She was 98, which means she lived a long and healthy life. She always seemed to be immortal, hell even my grandma would joke about how she would outlive her. And for a while, it seemed like it would be true. Its just one of those things that you knew would happen at some point but just didn't expect it to ever happen. I mean, I didn't cry or anything. For her last few years she was bitter and mean. She would constantly mistreat my grandma who practically gave up her life to take care of her. Ever seen The Haunting...you know, the lady that could hear her mom banging on her door with the cane even after she died. It was like that sort of deal. To be honest, I really disliked my great grandma for the way she treated my grandma. Its almost like the had a sick love/hate relationship and I couldn't stand it. About a year back things got so bad that my grandma put her in an old people's home, and I really couldnt have been happier. I felt like it was a leech that had finally be removed, and I know that sounds terribly cruel but if my great grandma had a full life where she traveled and did as she pleased, why couldnt my grandma? My grandma is still young, why does she have to waste her life away on someone that already had a great life...I don't know... Anyways, I went to visit my great grandma at the home a couple of months back and...I got really sad. She had lost tons of weight and could hardly move out of bed. She looked like an empty shell...like she was well, slowly dying. I couldnt handle it...I felt like I had to go away and shower so as to not bring it along with me...I don't know exactly what 'it' was, but I know I didnt want it. Anyways...Now she's gone and I don't even know what to feel. I'm happy I guess, that she won't suffer...that she will be in a better place...that she will finally be in peace. But I can't help but be terrofied for my grandma...I don't know how she will deal with it...My grandma, who practically raised me...I can't help but just be nervous

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